When it rains

...It pours.

I have always remembered my extremely wise Grandma's words that although mothering is a challenge in itself, nothing is worse than when your kids are sick. The feeling of helplessness. Of desperation. Of absolute fatigue. And this is coming from no wimp. A mother to nine, one of which she had to bury before her 1st birthday. Five of which she birthed at home. With no medication. Whatsoever. Anyway, I've been extremely blessed with extremely healthy kids but as our family grows, so do the chances of spreading illness and boy has it been rough the last couple of weeks. Bouncing back and forth between 3 babies in the middle of the night to get juice and cool wash cloths, to nurse, to hold, to comfort, and to pray with when momma's not feeling her best to begin with is a humbling experience. 

So I did what every other responsible mother would do in this situation. 

I gave my children ice cream. Lots of it. Never mind that it's 10 o'clock in the morning. 

Never. Say. Never.  ;)

Thankfully, this little guy Mr. chunk has steered clear of the infections looming in our home. 

 He has, however, continued growing leaps and bounds, eating well, evident by his milk mustache and 6 month attire and sleeping well (last night was the 5th consecutive night of 6+ hours, followed by 4 more) allowing momma to attend to his sick sisters and keep her head above water.
Barely.

Family of Five

Our first official photo as a family of five.

Ignore the fact that the females are sitting far from lady-like and the boy is halfway dressed.

 Not too bad considering naps and feedings were completely thrown off "schedule" (very loosely used) due to 2 parties and 3 stops, hours away from home, in one day.

Speaking of family of five, it finally happened. I knew the day would come. I've been expecting it with sort of an anxious, nervous dread. Well, today was the day. It lasted for what seemed to be an eternity to this delirious, sleep deprived, irritable mom who has absolutely zero perception of time but I'm sure it really was only a few minutes, maybe even one. All 3 offspring whining crying screaming at the same time. And all for good reason.  All needing mommy. One was tired and hungry in need of a "milk booby" (as Spicy refers to it), one uncomfortable sitting in a dirty diaper, and the oldest completely flustered by a time constraint (I'm sure my yelling didn't help her level of anxiety) and frustrated at the inability to put her shoes on solo.  I knew daddy was busy grooming himself for an important meeting and I felt so overwhelmed. So paralyzed. So frustrated. I was tempted to join them as my internal thoughts quickly turned to audible shouts. I was on the brink of a breakdown when daddy stepped in (or rather, out, of the bathroom), reminded me to keep my composure, and swept the youngest babe away, making it manageable to attend to the other 2, pull it together and see daddy and Spicy off with a smile (genuine or not) on my dry, pale, worn face. ha! 

And now? As I sit in total silence, other than the clicking of my laptop keys, Spicy is en route to enjoy the Ringling Brothers circus, thanks to an extremely thoughtful and generous cousin of mine, Daddy is off hopefully making a big sale, and the house is still with two sleeping babes. Ahhh! How quickly things can change around here.

And although unfolded laundry, sticky floors and dishes caked with dried oatmeal residue from this morning's breakfast seem to glare their ugly faces at me, I think I'm going to go catch a wink or two. 
Good night!

Third Time's a Charm

Isn't he a charming little fella?

 We sure are enjoying having a newborn around here again. The girls bring a sense of fascination and wonder toward their brother. Spicy A is definitely playing the older, protective, extremely affectionate role and Sweet G, at the tender age of 18 months is showing such mature, motherly, big sister qualities that melt my heart and put a lot of grown mothers nowadays to shame. 

As for mommy, I'm still getting acquainted with the male anatomy in a whole new light as I stand dumbfounded at the changing table, utterly amazed and entertained at the powerful spraying capabilities of such apparatus.

Thanks to my wonderful momma, and her tremendous help up-keeping the household, cooking meals, taking the girls for fun outings, naps at her house and slumber parties, I feel good. I feel rested. I actually feel in control of things and I've been able to enjoy a lot of special one-on-one time with my little man and still find time for myself.   
With so much help with the girls, I've been reminded how easy simple it is to take care of just one child.

I'm sure the chaos & exhaustion is lurking  just around the corner (once mom decides to take a day for herself) but for now, we're enjoying some peace.

Welcome, Soren Charles Soto!!!

I will attempt here to recount the day of our little Soren's birth.

(Little did the St. Joseph's medical staff know that Lady Starbuck's helped kick things off with a vanilla late with a triple shot of espresso. hehe)

 

 yes, I was kidding. (It was only a double shot!)

Ok, so here's the breakdown:

6am - arrive to hospital and check in. I'm feeling excited yet a little nervous

 7:45 - start the vitamin P (Pitocin) to get this baby out!

9:30 - Dr Linzey checks in, breaks my water and prays with Dean and me, committing the labor, the delivery, his decisions and the life of our child to the will of God and His Son.

11am - Lori, the RN convinces me to take advantage of an amazing, available anesthesiologist to be comfortable for the rest of the labor. I was hesitating because I was only 3 cm dilated, however, the staff assured me the epidural would not slow things down, so I relented my  prideful, rather odd desire to push myself to experience more pain.

11:30 - 5:00 entailed a lot of waiting, napping, changing positions, monitoring, texting, resting, asking nurses questions, worrying, praying, did I mention sleeping? 

And Ellen, the nurse that labored with me with Genevieve just 18 months ago popped in to say "hello". Not sure if she really remembered me or my experience but I sure remembered her and it was so neat to see her and all the memories and emotions of Sweet G's birth racing back in my mind and heart, giving me so much strength.

At one point in the last few hours, Soren's heart rate started dropping with the contractions, which is a sign of distress on the baby. I was very worried and anxious, especially when Lori mentioned it was probably due to the cord being near (or around) his face. I thought that meant automatic c-section and expressed to her my fears. She was so comforting, reassuring,  positive and confidant in her response and explained that they would inject my womb with fluid resembling amniotic fluid to help the cord "float" and amazingly, it worked and the baby's heart rate started doing what is expected (increasing with each contraction). Ah, the wonders of modern medicine and experienced medical professionals! Phew! When I hit 8cm, I began to get excited again, hoping and praying I would continue progressing and hear that wonderful proclamation "let's start pushing" very soon. 

5pm - I am told I am "almost there" (between a 9-10)

5:30 - 6:00 An interaction between Doc & nurse where nurse updates him on my 'status' (fully dilated, dropping but not totally crowned), doc makes the call to start pushing

6:00pm - Dr Linzey got "suited up", gave me a refresher course on pushing correctly and we began the most physically exhausting part of the day.

After a couple pushes, I hear Dr. and nurse mumbling to each other and then the horrible, terrifying 2 letters announced...OP (Occiput Posterior) which is the position of the baby, specifically his head. Without hesitation or thinking, I remember whipsering "Oh Shit" as all Iknew of this dreaded acronym was that because of this, Spicy was 1 failed suction/vacuum attempt away from a c-section...Dr. Linzey told me not to worry, that he thought he could help rotate his head as I pushed and sure enough, a couple pushes later, Soren was in an Optimal Position (my kind of OP). HUGE sigh of relief! 

 We took '5' to rest and then resumed our focused work...about 2 or 3 more pushes and with the help of the trusty vacuum suction, he slipped right out!

6:48pm

And there he was...

My beautiful son!

All 9 pounds, 1 oz and 20.5 inches of him!

Finally after 9 1o months of anticipation, excitement, waiting, wondering, dreaming, praying... from the moment I found out I was pregnant again to the moment we discovered we were having a boy, to the horribly uncomfortable, sleepless nights and back aches that stopped me dead in my tracks at any given moment, finally, yes finally, I was holding him in my arms & staring him in the face.

Oh Yes, our God is good.

 We spent a good 45 minutes together, Daddy, Mommy and baby. 

And then the excitement and love bursting out of the waiting room couldn't contain itself any longer. The laboring room door swung open and I saw her little feet in those cute white strappy sandals and my heart jumped. Our very first visitor to meet her baby brother.

Our first born. Our special little girl.

And the proud very proud big sister. 

What a moment! 

And the excitement continues. Its contagious. The love and joy a child brings to this world. 

More visitors to meet the little guy.

Thank you Jenny and Aunt Sherry for your tremendous love and support. 

The visits on your work breaks, the bag 'o' goodies to keep the girls entertained while waiting hours to meet their brother, the bag sack 'o' goodies for mommy which I devoured within the 1st 15 minutes after giving birth after feeling completely famished, for the waiting, the concern, the excitement, the love.

 Hospital stay Day #2: Soren attracted a few more visitors and many joyful memorable moments created...

 Thanks to my wonderful parents who were taking care of the girls, Daddy and I got to spend our 1st night together and shared a lot of fun, special conversations at the hospital. Some deep, others so humorous that I had to hold my bowl of jell-o tummy as it jiggled like that of Santa Claus. We imagined all three siblings interacting and envisioned some possible scenarios. We analyzed his looks and for now, we've decided he's got Spicy's mouth shape, (very evident when he cries) Sweet's head shape and full, round cheeks, mommy's high nose bridge and daddy's ears (the top of both of his ear lobes fold exactly like that of daddy's left ear.) Skin tone and eye color is yet to be determined.

 But he's absolutely gorgeous. Er, I mean handsome.

And we all love him so.

When We're Not Building A Nest

The nesting for this pregnancy has gotten completely out of control. Somewhere between the anticipation of my decorating hobby being put on hold for awhile with life changing very soon adding a 3rd little one to care for  and an interest fascination obsession with craigslist, I got the crazy idea to re-paint our bedroom, completely re-do our dining room including refinishing and painting a table,chairs and buffet, shop for some new pieces of furniture for our formal living room, create a couple picture wall gallery's on many bare walls of the house, finish baby boy's room, not to mention the necessary preparations like cleaning the fam van, installing the car seat, bringing the bassinet down from the rafters in the garage, packing my bags, etc etc. 

Needless to say, and completely self-inflicted, Ive been feeling a tad overwhelmed lately with wanting to create the perfect nest for baby boy.
But, when I'm we're (yes, I've got child laborers, Shhhh) not sanding and spray painting and sanding and painting some more, we've been...
enjoying glimpses of the summer weather just around the corner...

...dressing up like a princess and waiting anxiously on the front porch to greet daddy from work...

...playing outdoors until dusk...

...enjoying special sister time before their lives change as well...

...and enjoying family time in our last few days (or weeks) as a family of four...

This weekend, however, I am a bachelorette. That's right. No husband and no kids. It's the final push and with the help of pops, I think we just might be able to pull off these projects  and get a lot crossed off that to-do list. 

Many before and after's coming soon...

A common miscontraception

So I've debated on whether to post on this topic for awhile since I know there are readers who aren't Catholic, perhaps, not Christian and certainly don't hold the same morals and values that my family and I do. But, since a) the sole purpose and intention of this blog was for my family to have a 'family scrapbook' to experience our memories over and over, (including Daddy and I to reflect on the journey God has taken us on, when we are rocking on our front porch holding hands in our 80's), b) this is my outlet to reflect personally and spiritually and c) most of you already know how we feel about this, and since it is a topic that is much too important and pivotal to our faith and way of thinking, I couldn't ignore it any longer. 

With that disclaimer (& dreadfully long, grammatically incorrect sentence):

This past Sunday, Daddy & I had the rare treat of attending mass together. Alone. No legitimate distractions (besides the boy stretching his legs into my rib cage and doing hand stands on my bladder). It was also a treat because we were back at the place where we first layed eyes on each other, exchanged many shy, bashful glances and conversations of a budding romance, shared our love for music and worship joining the teen band together, sharing our increasing knowledge and passion for our faith teaching Confirmation classes, as well as the place we made our vows to God and to each other in the sacrament of matrimony. 

After the liturgy, we saw a few friends from our courting years who we've known for almost 10 years and who witnessed our journey from 2 individuals to becoming one. On three separate occasions, upon learning we are expecting our 3rd child, we received some rather interesting responses. The first and I quote: "So, are you guys done?" to which I felt like saying "Uh, are we done having sex? of course not!" Thankfully, the Holy Spirit was gracious enough to shut my mouth and help me respond much more prudently. Obviously, I knew they were referring to having children but to us (& I assumed to them), they are one in the same. The second comment/question was almost identical to the 1st and after Dean's response "Well, we'll see. Whatever God has in store", it earned a "Wow, I like your guys's courage!" That comment has rung in my head for almost a week now. Initially, I couldn't figure out why but I think it's because it is so telling. Why would he use the word 'courage' when referring to being open to more life? More blessings from God? After my persistent questioning and reasoning, I came to the conclusion that ultimately or at least largely, the reason for not having more children is in fact, fear. Fear of the physical, emotional and financial implications. Trust me. I know. I've been there and I'm sure my struggle isn't over. But you know, he's right. It is courageous to trust God in the area of your fertility and your family size (& heck, your finances). The final comment was in response to finding out the gender of our three offspring and I'm sure you can guess what is coming...Not a clue? The oh so boring, oh so predictable "Oh you got your boy. Now you can stop!" After I picked my jaw off the ground (not really, actually, I have heard this exact response so many times that I can nearly finish the person's sentence as I'm doing everything in my power not to roll my eyes in disgust.)

These are actually, extremely common, extremely un-interesting reactions both Dean and I get from neighbors, co-workers, strangers, friends and even family members. What did surprise me and what was very different about the context of these reactions was that they were taking place inside the doors of a Catholic Church. A place where I wrongly assumed that everyone participating held common beliefs, at least in regards to unchanging tenants of our faith that truly do effect every area of your life and your thinking. And these were practicing Catholics. Not the C&E Catholics (who only attend mass on Christmas and Easter) or even the Catholics who sit in the back of the church attending out of some deep guilt they can't seem to deal with but weekly attendees coming out of their free will, one who was active in ministry and another who sits in the front pew week after month after year. There are only 2 possible reasons for this oxymoron. 1) They are horribly ignorant to the Church's teaching or 2) They don't agree with it, or more precisely, they don't understand it enough to agree with it but either way, how sad! 

Contraception is probably the most divisive, most misunderstood, most misjudged issue and yet it is probably the issue least taught from the pulpit and the home. How sad! 

It is a dogma that has not changed in 2000 years nor will it ever change and yet Catholics who are supposed to be living out their faith are giving a horrible witness to others. How sad! 

 So for the record kids, just in case you were daydreaming in our discussions, the reason we do not believe contraception is ok is because we believe God created and instituted the marital embrace which has two parts: the unitive and procreative. Its purposes are 1) to unite the man and woman in body and spirit and 2) to be open to new life in the process. This is literal love making, life-giving love that could result in the form of another human made in the image and likeness of Christ.  Or more eloquently put:

  "They (sexual sins) are wrong because they sin against truth, against being, against reality; because they lie about the nature of love, that is, about the nature of God, and about God's image, man. They contradict the design of the Designer who created sex in His own image. Remember that Genesis 2:7, Scripture's first mention of "the image of God," immediately connects it with sexuality: "And God created man in His own image; in the image of God created He him: male and female created He them."  

Peter Kreeft in The Liberal Arts and Sexual Morality