A common miscontraception

So I've debated on whether to post on this topic for awhile since I know there are readers who aren't Catholic, perhaps, not Christian and certainly don't hold the same morals and values that my family and I do. But, since a) the sole purpose and intention of this blog was for my family to have a 'family scrapbook' to experience our memories over and over, (including Daddy and I to reflect on the journey God has taken us on, when we are rocking on our front porch holding hands in our 80's), b) this is my outlet to reflect personally and spiritually and c) most of you already know how we feel about this, and since it is a topic that is much too important and pivotal to our faith and way of thinking, I couldn't ignore it any longer. 

With that disclaimer (& dreadfully long, grammatically incorrect sentence):

This past Sunday, Daddy & I had the rare treat of attending mass together. Alone. No legitimate distractions (besides the boy stretching his legs into my rib cage and doing hand stands on my bladder). It was also a treat because we were back at the place where we first layed eyes on each other, exchanged many shy, bashful glances and conversations of a budding romance, shared our love for music and worship joining the teen band together, sharing our increasing knowledge and passion for our faith teaching Confirmation classes, as well as the place we made our vows to God and to each other in the sacrament of matrimony. 

After the liturgy, we saw a few friends from our courting years who we've known for almost 10 years and who witnessed our journey from 2 individuals to becoming one. On three separate occasions, upon learning we are expecting our 3rd child, we received some rather interesting responses. The first and I quote: "So, are you guys done?" to which I felt like saying "Uh, are we done having sex? of course not!" Thankfully, the Holy Spirit was gracious enough to shut my mouth and help me respond much more prudently. Obviously, I knew they were referring to having children but to us (& I assumed to them), they are one in the same. The second comment/question was almost identical to the 1st and after Dean's response "Well, we'll see. Whatever God has in store", it earned a "Wow, I like your guys's courage!" That comment has rung in my head for almost a week now. Initially, I couldn't figure out why but I think it's because it is so telling. Why would he use the word 'courage' when referring to being open to more life? More blessings from God? After my persistent questioning and reasoning, I came to the conclusion that ultimately or at least largely, the reason for not having more children is in fact, fear. Fear of the physical, emotional and financial implications. Trust me. I know. I've been there and I'm sure my struggle isn't over. But you know, he's right. It is courageous to trust God in the area of your fertility and your family size (& heck, your finances). The final comment was in response to finding out the gender of our three offspring and I'm sure you can guess what is coming...Not a clue? The oh so boring, oh so predictable "Oh you got your boy. Now you can stop!" After I picked my jaw off the ground (not really, actually, I have heard this exact response so many times that I can nearly finish the person's sentence as I'm doing everything in my power not to roll my eyes in disgust.)

These are actually, extremely common, extremely un-interesting reactions both Dean and I get from neighbors, co-workers, strangers, friends and even family members. What did surprise me and what was very different about the context of these reactions was that they were taking place inside the doors of a Catholic Church. A place where I wrongly assumed that everyone participating held common beliefs, at least in regards to unchanging tenants of our faith that truly do effect every area of your life and your thinking. And these were practicing Catholics. Not the C&E Catholics (who only attend mass on Christmas and Easter) or even the Catholics who sit in the back of the church attending out of some deep guilt they can't seem to deal with but weekly attendees coming out of their free will, one who was active in ministry and another who sits in the front pew week after month after year. There are only 2 possible reasons for this oxymoron. 1) They are horribly ignorant to the Church's teaching or 2) They don't agree with it, or more precisely, they don't understand it enough to agree with it but either way, how sad! 

Contraception is probably the most divisive, most misunderstood, most misjudged issue and yet it is probably the issue least taught from the pulpit and the home. How sad! 

It is a dogma that has not changed in 2000 years nor will it ever change and yet Catholics who are supposed to be living out their faith are giving a horrible witness to others. How sad! 

 So for the record kids, just in case you were daydreaming in our discussions, the reason we do not believe contraception is ok is because we believe God created and instituted the marital embrace which has two parts: the unitive and procreative. Its purposes are 1) to unite the man and woman in body and spirit and 2) to be open to new life in the process. This is literal love making, life-giving love that could result in the form of another human made in the image and likeness of Christ.  Or more eloquently put:

  "They (sexual sins) are wrong because they sin against truth, against being, against reality; because they lie about the nature of love, that is, about the nature of God, and about God's image, man. They contradict the design of the Designer who created sex in His own image. Remember that Genesis 2:7, Scripture's first mention of "the image of God," immediately connects it with sexuality: "And God created man in His own image; in the image of God created He him: male and female created He them."  

Peter Kreeft in The Liberal Arts and Sexual Morality

Holy Saturday

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I take counsel in my soul

and have sorrow in my heart all the day?

  Psalm 13:1

In years past, the last thing I would be doing on Holy Saturday, the only day in the whole year where this is nothingness, no Christ, no Eucharist, no mass, is laughing or singing. Quiet meditation, stillness, remembering and living out the solemn passion of our Lord as if I had just attended a funeral, yes. Baking, tickling, kissing, playing, not so much...

Well, as much as I have been trying to continue to deepen my understanding of the meaning of Christ's death this week, I have realized in the last few days that a different season has arrived than that of my single days of discerning my vocation and praying for my future spouse and family. The luxury of drifting into quiet prayer at any given moment, of stillness, of constantly receiving consolations have been replaced with constant noise, both joyful and dreadfully unpleasant, and of giving what I have received in continual instruction to my children.

Last night we attended the Good Friday liturgy, and as we stood up to begin to walk in a procession to venerate the cross (which is SO beautiful), a bouncy, smiley toddler was next to me looking up into my eyes with curious anticipation. I got down at her level to explain to her that we were about to all walk up to a big cross and she could touch the cross, kiss it and say "thank you" to Jesus for dying for us or whatever came to her heart. As I approached the cross myself, I could feel my heart starting to race, a nervousness come over me, an inability to control my emotions. Although there were people all around me approaching it from all directions, I felt like I was the only person alive. The only one that Jesus died for and a burden came over me. Placing my lips upon the wood, probably touched and kissed hundreds of thousands of times, I walked away with tears welling up and a knot in my throat enlarging by the millisecond. And then as I got back to my seat, I felt a soft chubby hand grab mine as she bounced up and down in excitement. I turned to my right to see my beautiful baby sis, kneeling, head sunken in her hands, deep in prayer, obviously touched, engrossed in her personal meditation time and I smiled remembering those days with sweet fondness, thanking God for that season which strengthened me for this current chapter of my life where quiet, lengthy prayer times are scarce and rare. 

All week, Spicy has been asking "what day is it?" highly anticipating the Easter celebratory festivities. Last night, desperate for a good night's sleep, I reminded her that the sooner she went to bed and if she stayed in her bed, we would begin our Easter preparations first thing in the morning. After cuddling sleeping with us for a little over an hour, around 7:35am she perked up exclaiming "Can we bake Easter cookies and cupcakes now?, it's Wake Up Time!!!" It was clear, I was not going to be able to prolong this week-long awaited activity for an extra 5 minutes of sleep so within seconds we were pouring and beating and kneading and shaping...

While I still do need quiet, personal prayer time, now I am constantly incorporating my religious experiences into the life of a child. I am called not to keep my meditations for myself but to apply what the Lord shows me by teaching my children each and every day. It's a tremendous responsibility but it's so fulfilling! Who doesn't want to share their faith with others?  I am able to remind my Spicy that the Easter egg symbolizes new life and why the birth of the baby chic emerging from the shell is similar to the resurrection. I get to share why we refrain from saying or singing "Allelujah" during Lent and teach her a simple chorus of Allelujah's I learned that we can yell at the top of our lungs tomorrow. And guess what? She gets it and she is the easiest person I have ever tried to witness to or evangelize because she listens with an open, pure heart hungry & thirsty for Christ's true redeeming love! And so, this year was special because in the sadness and loneliness of Holy Saturday, I was constantly reminded through my children of God's provision and promise. It is always right smack in front of my face, impossible to ignore, cries and giggles and all. Hence, we spent all morning & into the afternoon preparing goodies for our friends, family and neighbors. 

Not too shabby for a 3 year old, eh? 

Oh, the top picture were my creations. Hers are below...

hehe. 

Barf! Er, I mean, beautiful!!!!

I must admit I broke my Lenten sacrifice terribly as I licked gobs of icing and cookie dough from my fingers hands but technically Easter celebrations begin in just a few hours.

(Ignore the 4th of July star'd cupcake covers. I ran out of Easter pastels...ARGGGGH!!!!)

And this simple, attempted project was a flop due to a couple stickers not adhering but we'll just pretend these are mine until next year. 

Hope your preparations have been beautiful on this Eve of arguably the most important day for us followers of the Living Christ!

Why Lent?

Wikipedia gives a sensible explanation but here are my personal reflections:

Seconds after snapping this photo, the thought came to me, a revelation actually, since I don't think my puny little mind could have come up with this on my own, that even all of nature is preparing for that glorious day. Every morning while I am playing on the floor with the girls and I look up, all the way from the living room through our kitchen window, I can see the bright, vibrant, green leaves on our tree that was completely barren not too long ago, getting fuller and fuller each day. It's Spring. New Life is all around us. And although I am yearning to sing along with those chirping birds and rejoice in the gorgeous sunny weather, skip the journey and rush ahead to the celebration of our heavenly home, we are called to sacrifice. To meditate. To help carry His cross.
To remember. 

Sooooo His awesome bride, instituted these "rules". Fasting, abstaining from meat, Holy Days of Obligation. The list goes on and on. But most people, including especially Catholics miss the boat by a long shot. The Church does not mandate these things to be authoritative. It doesn't need anything but the Holy Spirit and the Holy priesthood for that. Rather, these things are for our good, our benefit, our path to holiness. Our salvation. She knows that if these weren't obligations, we simply wouldn't do them! On our own, I hardly believe we would fast (at least not in America), give alms, or go to church (at least not consistently or religiously) even though it is good for our souls. In other words, Mother Church invites us, facilitates and fosters a way to become closer to Her groom, Christ. Just as an earthly mother does in so many physical ways. Sadly, we have become luke-warm and stagnant or we simply obey without understanding the deeper meaning and experiencing the deeper beauty.
As I was sharing my frustrations and sadness with Daddy over an indifferent society obsessed with distractions; with finding the next thing "to do"; paganizing (my word) everything the Church has established; with finding purpose and significance in anything other than Jesus, the real, true, living Jesus who because of His love always called and commanded change, repentance, turning away from sin; and in the culture of moral relativism that does not see nor understand sin, or Satan or spiritual warfare, he summed it up perfectly, always so profoundly short and simple. He shared that it's been said that it seems we have performed an even greater miracle than Jesus. He turned water into wine and we have managed to turn wine back into water. Wow....

For the next 40+ days, I have decided to sacrifice something that would ordinarily be tough, but manageable. However, because of my pregnancy condition, the word sacrifice is taken to a whole new level. I find it simply irresistible. I crave it, I want it, I (think I) need it! And that is.... sweets: Any kind, any way. You name it. But in order of preference and frequency of consumption: Donuts, Cookies, cakes, ice cream, candy, the list goes on and on.
(and I wonder why I gain 50 pounds during pregnancy!?! ha! )
It is only the end of day 2 and it has been quite challenging and I have already been tempted countless times. (We all know nothing can replace a good piece of chocolate and fruit juice, honey and peanut butter only go so far to curb that craving. Man, I sound like an addict!) It sounds silly. Over food? Really? REALLY. TRUST ME.  It's important to insert here that as a stay at home, often vehicle-less, pregnant mom, I spend more time in the kitchen than anywhere else in the house. Yesterday, as I opened the fridge to grab something for either breakfast, snack time for Spicy, snack time for Sweets, snack time for mommy or lunch (I can't remember, you get the point.) a package of Girl Scout Cookies next to a baggie of Hershey chocolate pieces was staring glaring me in the face. I kid you not (a mom-ism) almost audibly, I could hear the voice of the little devil over my left shoulder (you know, like in those cartoons) saying quite clearly in my ear: "Oooh, that's too bad that those are going to go to waste and you're going to have to throw them away since you are the primary consumer. Wow, that's money you are wasting." No joke, sarcastic tone included. No sooner that I came back with a "stop it" thought, I hear in my head "Cmon, you can have just ONE bite and start tomorrow. He won't mind".  Are you kidding me? Talk about the realness of temptation, of the devil, of evil. I slammed the fridge and walked to the cupboards. Although it was filled with healthy alternatives, my eyes went straight to a lid from a mysterious jar, (which wasn't so mysterious since I knew exactly its contents) and despite it being covered by boxes and bags, my mind chose to obsess over it. The jar of Jelly Beans from Sweet G's birthday party. Again, the temptations came. It was incredible. It was REAL. This happened over and over and over again. 
On my own, with no deeper motivation other than to "obey the rule" I am convinced I would have failed. My flesh, my passions, my desires are too strong and my will is too weak. But with just a whisper of the holy name of "Jesus" I regained all the strength I needed. I remembered His words to his disciples, "Can you not stay awake with me for even an hour?" and I was flooded with images from the stunning masterpiece, "The Passion of the Christ" movie as my eyes and mind were shifted away from self and onto His Love. Phew! It's going to be a long, painful journey in my pathetic little attempt to share in His suffering but He's so worth it and if I come to a deeper understanding of His sacrifice, even just a teensy weensy bit, I think I will rejoice all the more on Easter Sunday and shout "Hallelujah" just a little bit louder!  

On a side note, as I was listening to The Fish (Christian radio station) yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised to hear the DJ talking about giving things up and people of all ages calling in to report what they were giving up and why it makes them a better Christian. I thought to myself "Hmm, I'm glad it's not just a Catholic thing anymore" 

I love my faith and I love being Catholic!