Unproductive Productivity

Today was a lesson in what is "productivity". My current ongoing challenge, especially after bringing home some dough for the entirety of our marriage with the exception of the past 6 months & most especially when I have a relief day (or 2 in this week's case) because Alizea is having special time with Mimi & Bapa, is expectation management. My automatic thinking is that I can should get certain things done and checked off that never-ending list each and every day. So, of course when I fall short of that, very short, I begin to think torment myself that I am unproductive and even lazy.  To complicate the issue, ironically, the days that I am only with one child, the perfect baby decides to act slightly less than perfect, causing much anxiety trying to figure out what is wrong and how I can fix it. Well, after exhausting all my resources to include: rocking, burping, more rocking, gas drops, teething tablets, strolling, & yes, even driving and still feeling like a totally clueless 1st time mom, I got a call back from my personal consultant, aka, mom! I was venting about my dilemma and began to hear myself whining about how I spent the entire day feeding, burping, holding, (repeat) and how little I got done. My wise mom's response? So, you didn't "do" anything (said with a sarcastic chuckle)... spending time with Genevieve is productive enough! A humbling lesson to the value of my vocation. It's in the intangible ways now that my productivity shines forth. Getting to know my children in the most intimate way possible and loving them. I was productive in the area of gazing into her onyx colored jewel eyes, tickling, burying my face in rolls of silky soft chub, kissing, holding and more kissing. 

I will never forget the words my dear friend Emily once told me. So simple yet SO profound...."our presence is enough" 

Awesome revelatory reminder. And since I'm not completely there yet & need photos for my post, here are a couple 'tangible' tasks that made me feel.... well, productive! :p

Clearing out drawers to make room for the next size: (That's the stack of 3 month clothes that no longer fit her. Sad day indeed!)

And some more pillows in work: (I think I'm on the 4th or 5th fabric choice. I can't make up my mind! grrrrr)

 PS - turns out sweet G was overly tired. Poor babe, thank God she still loves her sleep! Hindsight is always 20/20. ah well, I pray I grew in the process.